PostHeaderIcon Doing Something Really Stupid

By The Uneducated One

Last night, I met a participant of mine whom I have known for a
few years, now. I was aware that he was not stable, financially,
and was trying to find ways to improve his life.

Although he knew me for some time, he had never spoken to me
about his predicament. I assumed he was on top of things, so I
did not really check on him. However, I sensed that something
was seriously wrong when he asked for an appointment from my
wife, to meet me. My wife felt the same, too, that he needed
some urgent guidance.

He dropped by my home, and we spoke. He said that he was going
through many problems and did not know how to come out of it. I
requested that he relate to me the actual situation he was in,
the truth as it was. He started, A few years back, I bought a
house that was still under development. Half-way through the
project, the developer disappeared. I took a bank loan and was
paying for it. There was no news about the developer but I
continued servicing the interest for the part of the loan that
was disbursed.€

On top of that, two years ago, my brother bought a car under my
name and promised to pay the monthly payments. He could not buy
the car under his own name because he was blacklisted by finance
companies! After a few months, the car met with an accident and
was in a bad shape. To make it worse, I discovered that the car
was not adequately insured. As such, the workshop did not want
to repair it unless paid in cash before hand. Since my brother
did not have the cash, he did not repair and stopped paying the
monthly payment for the car! Now, the amount has ballooned to
astronomical levels!€

Not enough with all these commitment, last year, my participant
stood as guarantor for his brother for a RM 10,000 personal
loan. When I heard that, my eyeballs almost came out from its
sockets! Immediately, I said to him, Let me guess! He failed to
make the monthly payment and the bank is coming after you, now!€
He nodded, looking very vulnerable. I shook my head and
continued, I am sorry, my friend, but I must say what I feel,
now. Please dont get offended, but I think you are one of the
most stupid persons I have ever met!€ I felt I needed to wake
him up from his deep sleep! That was why I used those words.

He was taken aback with what I said, speechless. I continued, I
think you have a serious problem, now. You need a reality check.
You are in your late thirties, have a wife and two wonderful
young kids. BUT you have no money, no plans about your life and
the worst thing is, your family depends on you!€ He hung his
head as I finished saying that. When I turned silent, he said,
That is why I came to see you. I need help. Please help me out
of this mess.€ I retorted back, What are you thinking? That I
am a miracle worker? Why in the world did you allow yourself to
fall into this mess? What were you thinking about? I feel
embarrassed to regard you as my friend.€ He kept silent.

I took a deep breath and asked him to go back and gather as much
details for me about his current financial position to the
minute detail. Based on his story, I told him that I had no idea
how to help him! He was stunned! I said that the details I asked
for might lead me somewhere (in the form of ideas) to help him
come out of the mess. He thanked me and left.

Later, I related what happened to my wife. She, too, felt upset.
She asked me a question that was playing in my mind as well,
Why do people wait until things become really bad and then only
ask for help?€ I just shook my head, wondering why, too.

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3 Responses to “Doing Something Really Stupid”

  • pc leong says:

    most people usually realize it late

    so what happened to this guy??

    did he come back with his “details”?

  • admin says:

    Dear pc leong

    The truth is until today 6 December 2007, he met me twice. He gave me some details, very sketchy. I suppose there are some things he does not want me to know. Anyway, I gave him some ideas to use his skills (he is quite good in teaching kids about football) and how to market it.

    I even offered to help him come up with some marketing tools. The funny thing is, he calls to fix appointments but never makes it. There is always something coming up just before he meets me.

    The last time, he was waiting at the cafe at the condo where I am staying. Just as he was going to come up to meet me, he got a call that someone in his family was admitted in the hospital. So, he had to leave. Strange eh?

    However, he and his family are always in my good thoughts. I sincerely hope he would find a way out of his problems.


    The Uneducated One

  • shanthini says:

    dear mr author,
    i feel,when a person wants to come out of a certain mess,she or he must CHOOSE from deep within and DECIDE wholeheartedly to end the situation,not just mere words.and next, the person should ALLOW for the CHANGE to take place.and like you always say, EFFORT must be,probably,this guy doesn’t really want to come out of this mess; he kind of enjoys being a victim!
    thank you for sharing with us this experience. i learn that, even when we want some help, the help will only come when we take effort and sincere about it; help doesn’t just fall on to our laps from the sky.

    hope this guy finds his way through…

    always your number one fan,

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